What makes a good life?
The relationships, connections and interactions we have with the people around us, from the family members we live with to the strangers we pass by on the high street
Everyone we spoke to said that having good people around was an essential ingredient for a good life. Being with ‘flesh and blood’, sharing meals together, messing around together, watching TV together, being able to spend quality time with family we are separated from. Being in the company of others is an essential feature of everyday life.
Knowing that loved ones are doing well is important to us, that they get ‘the best chance in life’, a good education and opportunities to flourish. We need to know those we love are OK in order for us to be OK too.
“[In my perfect day] my son would chat to me about school, I would listen, and even though I wouldn’t understand everything he was talking about I would still enjoy listening to him. He would be talking about Space because that’s his favourite subject”
For those who have had children removed by social services, forced migration or family separation, being in their lives in some way, seeing them smile or being able to visit now and again is vital.
“Knowing my daughter is settled and has the best chance of a good life, still being involved at least in some way in her life”
For those of us caring for an older relative or someone with disabilities, a good life was having some extra support when things get really hard, and having some time to ourselves every once in a while to recuperate.
Having friends around that we can celebrate and have fun with, just pass the time with, and who can stand by us as we walk through life’s challenges was also talked about a lot. Simple things like going for a coffee, playing tennis, going shopping or bowling-stuff that’s way more fun when you have your mates with you to share the experience with. Having a drink in the street with friends and watching the world go by was also talked about.
“A good life is spent with friends”
The friends that were talked about were there for the hard times as well as the good ones. The friends that have our backs and we have theirs, as part of an informal practical and emotional system of support that exists outside of professional service provision.
“I’ve slept rough with people from all around the world-Poland, Lithuania, Hungary…we supported each other, we had each other’s backs, it didn’t matter where you were from”
“I know someone wherever I am round here .I’ll never go hungry”
Having a purpose, whether that’s work, volunteering, local organising, religion, or just a sense of achievement and vocation in life
Lots of people said they wanted to work less hours so that they had time for the other things in their lives- mainly family. Some people spoke longingly about previous jobs they had- HGV driving, working in removals. People talked about informal ways to make money outside of oppressive working environments, like mudlarking, making and selling cards or working cash in hand for a market stall holder. People talked about taking advantage of opportunities to move forward in life-like going to University or learning to drive.
“I’d like to get a job-I’d like to work in removals again-helping my boss to do the house clearances and discovering what antiques people have, then selling them on at the car boot sale, helping load and unload the van and putting out the stock. I got to take what I wanted as well, and I’ve got lots of good stories from this job”
For some people giving something back to the community makes up an important part of a good life. This is both in informal ways (helping the flower seller set up her stall in the morning, redistributing food back into the community you’ve been given but don’t need, passing on the nappies that are the wrong size for your baby) and formal ways (setting up local support groups, volunteering)
“a reason for getting up on a Saturday”
Some people talked about the importance of doing something that tires you out at the end of the day, that gives you a sense of achievement and has an impact or fulfils a need, whether your own or that of the wider community.
“I feel satisfaction at the end of the day when we do the project when people leave and are thanking me, not that I need a thank you, but to see people leaving with a smile and a full belly”
People also talked about how the good sides of our friends rub off on us, and pull us up to be the best we can be. That might be to do with confidence and motivation, but also skills like speaking English, or knowledge like how to fill in forms or access free resources.
“Other people’s confidence around me, confidence with me builds up mine”
“We met 2 years ago and now we have a good time together-we do the early shift [of street drinkers] I teach him English. Once I tried to teach him how to say ‘barber’ so he could go and get a free haircut from my guy, but instead he went around the high street asking everyone, ‘where’s Barbara?’ [laughs]. We have our own language now for South Norwood-fantastikos, excellentos, homeski…”
“Meeting nice people to give you that nudge and enjoy life”
The people we don’t know so well but who make up a part of our local community were also talked about a lot. Hanging out with whoever is around, bumping into people you know on the high street and having a chat, sitting around with whoever you meet, knowing that chances are you’ll know someone wherever you go, who can help you out if you need it.
“I love speaking to people around here you never know who you are going to end up having a conversation with”
When people talked about the good life, sometimes they talked about wanting a better reality for the ‘world’ and for ‘everyone’, and felt a collective identity with everyone, not just with friends and family. Some of us showed aspiration for connections outside of our own circles to include those we don’t know or haven’t met yet.
“The world has to come together and unite as one! One love, one blood, the rain falls on everyone”
Having fun, feeling joy, taking part in leisure, feeling pleasure and delight, celebration, creativity and expression
For most people we spoke to, a good life has to involve some fun. In people’s good lives there is an abundance of music, movies, video games, TV programmes, the Discovery Channel, educational documentaries, the list goes on! There’s also social activities like boules, bingo, bowling, dancing, cruising on a boat, all things that added joy to people’s everyday lives.
People talked about taking time out to be creative-painting pictures of animals and landscapes, taking part in craft activities, writing, reading. Other people talked about ‘creating chaos’, ‘causing mayhem’, ‘galavanting around’, letting the unpredictable nature of the world inspire their creativity.
“I leave my day to destiny. Something interesting always happens, I like the unexpected”
For the people we spoke to, the ritual of celebration was an essential component of the good life. Many people talked about parties, celebrations, festivities. They talked about reasons for coming together- the end of lockdown, nice weather, birthdays. They drew people dancing and listening to music. They talked about celebrations being a way to bring people together, where they can play games, have BBQs and generally create a ‘nice atmosphere’. Music was a recurring theme, and something that people felt was essential for a good life, whether that was singing, dancing, or just listening to music with friends.
“Bob Marley was right about music-when it hits you, you feel no pain”
Our home and how we feel in it, the level of safety and security we have in our lives, our local neighbourhood and our sense of belonging to a place
Another one of the most mentioned ingredients for a good life was a decent home, and a local neighbourhood within which we can feel a sense of belonging. People’s aspirations for their homes weren’t pie-in-the-sky, they were as simple as having enough bedrooms, in a building that is warm, dry and structurally sound, with access to some green space. People said that it was important to have a home that we can live in as long as we need to, but can equally move on from if it no longer meets our family’s needs.
“I’ve been moved 47 times. I’ve lived everywhere in this borough. I just want to stay in one place so that I can settle”
People told us that a good home is somewhere that you can call your own, where you have privacy and can close the curtains at the end of the day for peace and quiet. It’s a place to feel comfortable, to relax and pass the time, somewhere with enough space and a garden where flowers and vegetables can be grown. One person’s perfect home was their mum’s town house in Belfast, another was their family farm back in Poland.
“You don’t have to go to the shops because you have everything you need on the farm”
For lots of people, having a local neighbourhood that you feel you belong in is important. A park nearby where kids can play, somewhere for shopping or just for mooching round. A high street you can spend time on. Free spaces that are open to everyone and don’t have strings attached to using them.
“We should be drinking in the park playing boules with proper lighting, not drinking outside shops”
Some people talked about the support provided by community organisations as a facet of a good life. They talked about the importance of them being flexible enough to see each person as an individual, and that doesn’t have the unnecessary bureaucratic procedures that block people from getting the help they need, or put arbitrary limits on the help they can access. People thought that this support should help people to support themselves so that they can get on with living well.
“A hand up, not a hand out”
“Coming here, take stuff we need, help with like food when we don’t have money”
Lots of people talked about their love of nature, whether that’s growing flowers in their garden, listening to the birds singing in the morning, watching the sunset, taking a boat out on the river Thames, camping, fishing or farming.
“Love nature, peace, love of the little things that make you in life”
Living a healthy life, both physically and mentally, being happy, living as well as possible with chronic health conditions
Almost everyone talked to us about food-an essential ingredient in a good life! Lots and lots of people talked about the importance of preparing and sharing meals, breaking bread together with family, friends and the wider community, People talked about being able to eat their traditional food from home, having a continental breakfast at a hotel, eating popcorn with a film, having cornflakes for breakfast with ice cold milk, or just getting a hot meal. People talked about preparing food as well-cooking, fishing, picking mushrooms, feeding the pigs and looking after the chickens, going out on the tractor, planting seeds, looking after fruit trees.
Exercise featured in lots of people’s good lives, mainly stuff that is fun as well as good for you, like gardening, playing with kids in the park, cycling, walking in the woods, swimming, or going for a ‘nice stroll’.
“Getting some exercise, walking in the park”
“I’d go for a swim for 5 hours! In the lake in nature where no one else can see me and where I don’t have to feel self-conscious about being in a swimming costume. The water is warm and I can feel the fish, I would swim really deep into the lake and enjoy myself. I have freedom there”
For almost everyone we spoke to, getting some rest was an essential ingredient in a good life. For some people this was about good sleep, waking up early, or waking up without a groggy head, being tired enough to sleep soundly. Having a lie in, taking a siesta.
“I’d chill out under a palm tree in the sun, hopefully a coconut won’t fall on my head”
“7am: wake up, but if I was on my own I would have a lie in until 10am. It’s a Saturday and I don’t have to work”
People wanted to be free from stress in order to live a good life. For some that meant forgetting your troubles and finding ways to get your anger out, for others it was through laughing, ‘escaping from all the crap’. People also talked about having more self-confidence to do things they don’t normally feel able to do.
“Sit down and watch the sunset. It helps when I’m feeling down”
“Invite the girlies and go bowling. Get anger out with the ball and pretend it’s someone’s head”
“Swimming where no one is around, so I don’t feel self-conscious”
For people with chronic health conditions, having some independence was really important. That meant having a carer who would let you know in advance what time they were coming, having a home that meets your needs, feeling confident to go out on your own. People wanted to have the means to live a good life alongside managing the realities of their health conditions.